Jesus Brings Balance
Jesus revolutionized the lives of women on earth by bringing a balance that was missing in those times. He made clear that a wife is just as important as a husband and has the very same rights. Both husband and wife would bear equal responsibility for breaking the marriage covenant. Marriage was redefined and renewed.
“And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” – Mark 10:2-12
The Pharisees lived in a world in which women held a lower social position. A wife was viewed almost as property. Divorce was permitted and had been sanctioned by Moses (without any consultation with God), but it could only be initiated by the man. The woman had no say in the matter at all. The Pharisees try to trap Jesus by asking whether a husband may put away his wife. Christ answers in a completely different way than they expected. He bypasses the entire period of “the law” altogether and appeals instead to the time before it even existed on earth! He does not concern Himself with what is permitted under “the law,” but raises the standard and announces what will be available to those who live in the power of the Holy Spirit as believing, born-again people. He was speaking of the fact that marriage would be restored to its original design.
Jesus’ radicalism is startling. There is nothing here that can be stretched or loosened. There is no legal loophole one could exploit to gain something for oneself. If we go looking for such a loophole, we are doing so out of darkness and a hardened heart. Both then and now, it is anything but obvious that it is God who joins a man and a woman together. Once, marriages were arranged by parents and families; in our own time, it has become common and convenient to swap partners and to live together informally, without any commitment. Marriage today is treated merely as an option, a personal choice.
In the Church and the Kingdom of God there is no divorce, but today, the role once played by the Jewish “bill of divorcement” has been taken over by secular courts. Continuing this practice stems from the very same mindset the Pharisees held, obedient as they were to the letter of the law. Jesus, however, presents marriage as something unbreakable, standing outside “secular law” altogether. Divorce is a “secular” notion built on the drive to dominate, to cultivate selfishness, and to treat people the way one treats objects.
While the Pharisees looked at marriage solely from the man’s point of view and from the standpoint of “authority,” Jesus explained to His disciples that adultery occurs whether it is the husband who puts away the wife or the wife who leaves the husband. In doing so, He introduced balance: the wife is just as important a person as the husband. This must have sounded shocking, since women had not previously had the right to leave a husband.
Who Was Jesus Speaking To?
Jesus’ statements on marriage and divorce apply only to believers (those born again of water and of the Spirit), for whom the world has been crucified and they to the world. This answer makes clear that Jesus did not do away with anything from the Law or the Prophets. The Law still functions. Only the person in Christ has died to the Law, in order to live for God:
“For I through the law am dead to the law, that I might live unto God. I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.” – Gal 2:19-21
This answer rests firmly on:
“And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” – 1 Cor 7:10-11
The apostle Paul was referring to the marriages of believers – people born of water and of the Spirit. “The rest,” on the other hand, are marriages in which at least one of the spouses has not been spiritually born again.
“But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not…” – 1 Cor 7:12
This answer further explains why Paul permitted divorce when it was initiated by the unregenerate (unbelieving) party; it explains that God is not implicated in all the mess that comes with the marital abuses of fallen people; that polygamy today should be treated just as it was in the Old Testament; and that God has not stopped being realistic – He still takes into account the hardness of unbelieving human hearts. Only in Christ do we become new people, which is why we can look back to the original institution of marriage – namely, one woman for one man, for life.
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” – 2 Cor 5:17
This premise makes sense, because as believers we are not called to judge the world, but only the believers within our own communities (1 Cor 6:1-11). It is God who will judge the world when He sits down to judgment. There will then be three kinds of judgment, among them one for believers (not unto condemnation) and one for unbelievers – but that is another subject…
“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” – Matt 19:4-6
Scripture tells us that it was God’s intention that people “not be separated” once joined in marriage, as we see in the passage above. This is exactly what Jesus was addressing while He was on earth.
- Marriage is not a loose arrangement among any number of people of any gender, offering one another sexual services and nothing more. It is a bond so strong that out of two people (a word that needs to be emphasized in our day) one flesh comes into being.
- God Himself is involved in the union of two people, because it is He who joins them into one flesh, even if we are not aware of it.
- God does not want a person to tear apart that unity. He is decidedly not pleased by divorce. Divorce ends a marriage (some radical Christians hold that divorce has no power at all, because marriage is unbreakable). Since divorce is an evil in God’s eyes, every marriage ought to be held in special honor by people, in their eyes and in their actions (Heb 13:4), and given special protection. Divorce, although possible, should be considered only as an absolute last resort – and ideally not considered at all.
Categories of Marriage
Studying the Bible, we can read about three categories of marriage:
- Marriages of people not born again
- Marriages of people born again of water and of the Spirit
- Mixed marriages
This division arises from biblical texts dealing with marriage, such as: Deut 24:1-4; Matt 5:31-32; 19:1-12; 1 Cor 7:8-16. Let us now look at the question of divorce and remarriage for each category of marriage.
Divorce and Remarriage
Marriages of Unbelievers
The marriages of the unregenerate are built on an institution meant for fallen humanity, not on God’s original plan for man and woman. They are characterized by the fact that they permit polygamy, divorce, and remarriage. Such marriages are needed; God even encourages them (in the wisdom books of Scripture), regulates them, and protects them under His Law. He does not, however, bind these spouses together for life – rather, He leaves room for divorce and remarriage. As a church, we ought to apply to these marriages the standard of the Law expressed in Deut 24:1-4. This is confirmed by:
“But we know that the law is good, if a man use it lawfully; Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine; According to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, which was committed to my trust.” – 1 Tim 1:8-11
Such marriages are valid and binding. Divorce, although it does not serve the interests of society and runs contrary to God’s original design for marriage (Gen 2:24; Mal 2:14-16), is permitted. Divorced spouses may return to one another for as long as both remain single. Remarriage completely dissolves the previous union. Even after the second marriage ends (even by the death of the spouse), returning to the previous partner is no longer possible. This is undeniable proof that the marriage of the unregenerate is not binding for life before God.
For what reason can divorce occur in the marriage of unbelievers? According to the Law, for any reason except adultery, since that was punishable by death, and the man would then immediately become a widower (Deut 24:1-4). Today it’s enough to visit a courthouse or a law office to see that the reasons can be very many indeed. Different people have different notions, preferences, sensitivities, and are tolerant to differing degrees, with differing thresholds of endurance…
Marriages of Believers
The marriages of the regenerate, as they fulfill God’s original intention for this institution, fall under the law of Christ (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:4-). God Himself is, in essence, the author of the marriage bond among the regenerate. Such a marriage is unbreakable (1 Cor 7:10), it does not end even if a divorce occurs (1 Cor 7:11), and entering a second marriage in such a situation is adultery (Matt 5:32; 19:9) – unless an exceptional situation arises, which we will discuss further on in this article (the exception found in Matthew’s Gospel).
Mixed Marriages
Mixed marriages were not the subject of Jesus Christ’s teaching (1 Cor 7:12). The rules governing divorce in such marriages were established by the apostle Paul. In this case, divorce – though not recommended – may occur at the will of the unregenerate party. In this case, the regenerate party is not bound as a slave – as would be the case in the marriage of believers – and may enter a new union, but only with a believer (this principle is seen in 1 Cor 7:39).
“But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.” – 1 Cor 7:12-17
At this point it is worth saying a few words about the expression used in 1 Cor 7:15: “not under bondage.” How should this expression be understood? There are two views on this matter:
- “Not under bondage” means: they are not bound as slaves to remain together, but the regenerate party, after being left, is not permitted to enter a new marriage.
- “Not under bondage” means: the abandoned party is free from the marriage bond and may enter a new union.
The second view is the more likely one. A mixed marriage (according to the whole context) is a “bondage.” If, then, divorce is not forbidden in the case of mixed marriages, it follows logically that when Paul says the parties “are not under bondage,” he has in view the possibility not only of divorce, but of remarriage as well.
For a better understanding, let’s answer three questions:
- If in “such cases a brother or sister is not under bondage” (1 Cor 7:15), then in what cases are they under bondage? Clearly, in cases where both are regenerate.
- What does “bondage” mean? That it is not permitted to divorce, and if a divorce does occur, one must either live alone or work toward reconciliation.
- What, then, does the absence of “bondage” mean? That divorce is permitted, and if it occurs, one is not required to live alone.
Even if we accept that the first view (that after separation one may not enter a new marriage) is correct (which does not fit the context at all and contradicts logic), we still cannot, if we’re being fair about it, rule out the second view, since an unbelieving person will most likely not hold to any of these principles anyway. For this reason we should not dogmatically insist on the first view and condemn those who are convinced the second is correct. Unbelieving people will probably enter a new marriage after divorce regardless.
What attitude should we have toward members of the Church who might be scandalized by a second marriage of a divorced man or woman from a mixed marriage? I believe every sensitive conscience should be taken into account. Yet we cannot allow sensitive consciences to impose on us decisions that have no grounding in the Bible. In such cases, it is better to shape and educate the conscience’s sensitivity than to set up prohibitions where Scripture itself sets up none.
Summary
The Bible distinguishes three categories of marriage: marriages of the unregenerate, marriages of believers, and mixed marriages. The first falls under the Law, the second under the law of Christ, and the third under the apostle Paul’s principle. In the first category, divorced parties may enter a second union; in the second, they may not; in the third, they may – but only with a person born of water and of the Spirit.
| Marriages of the unregenerate | Marriages of believers | Mixed marriages | |
| Determining criterion | The Law of Moses or civil law | The Law of Jesus | Paul’s principle |
| Divorce permitted | YES | YES (but remaining unmarried, 1 Cor 7:11) | YES (if at the will of the unregenerate party) |
| Remarriage | YES | NO (except for returning to the spouse, their death, or the Matthean exception) | YES (if the divorce is at the will of the unregenerate party) |
| The Matthean exception | NOT APPLICABLE | YES (for divorce with the possibility of remarriage) | YES (by analogy to marriages of believers) |
The Matthean Exception (Matt 5:32; 19:9)
The Essence of the Matthean Exception
“But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication [porneia], causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” – Matt 5:32
The Matthean exception applies to the marriage of two people born of water and of the Spirit, since (as we’ve already established) Jesus was speaking about marriages within the new creation. According to Matthew’s account, Jesus makes an exception: He permits divorce and remarriage in cases where fornication is involved.
The word fornication is a translation of the Greek word porneia. It can also be translated with words such as: sexual immorality, prostitution, licentiousness, adultery, sexual perversion – any kind of extramarital, unnatural, or perverted sexual relations. This word also appears in lists of words describing human corruption (Matt 15:19; Mark 7:21) or unfaithfulness toward God (John 8:41; Rev 19:2). The closely related Greek word moicheia (1 Cor 5:1; Jer 13:27) likewise refers to extramarital sexual relations, and even more clearly to unfaithfulness toward God (the book of Hosea). I believe this can refer to a range of situations in which a person who is a Christian, who enters into a Christian marriage, later reveals something deeply troubling. It comes to light that the spouse is living with a lover, visiting brothels, and, on top of that, refuses to repent despite the church’s warnings and despite the chances given to change. That person’s actions prove that the “Christianity” they profess is a fiction. They show no sign of repentance despite the path of admonition Jesus laid out for us. For this reason, such a person should be regarded by us as a pagan and a tax collector (someone not born again). Unfortunately, all too often today people “convert” only intellectually, only in their reasoning, rather than under the influence of the Holy Spirit.
“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” – Matt 18:15-18
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” – 1 Tim 5:8
The “fiction” created by such a person should be taken literally, and that marriage treated as a union between a regenerate person and one who is not. The regenerate party is not, strictly speaking, forced to leave such a person. The best solution is always forgiveness and prayer for a change of heart. As a last resort, however, they may put away the “fornicator” and be free to enter into a normal, new, Christian marriage. What matters is that the party being left has first been admonished in the manner Jesus prescribes for us (Matt 18:15-18) and has ultimately been formally excluded from the fellowship. We cannot make this decision hastily on our own, since we would then be acting under the influence of emotion. What matters is working together with the whole community and its leaders (elders, pastors). Leaving such a person also does not mean that we are then obligated to enter a new marriage. The apostle Paul advises everyone, where possible, to remain single.
Some light is shed on the problem of fornication by 1 Cor 5:1-5 and 6:12-20. From the first text it follows that the church community should free itself from the fornicator. Why should the wife be bound to him for life? From the second text it follows that fornication was no small problem in the ancient world, perhaps because the cult of the fertility gods provided justification for sacred prostitution, something wholly foreign to Christianity at the time.
A person who, in such a case, leaves their partner and marries another does not commit adultery, and whoever marries a person so left (that is, the fornicator, man or woman) should be measured by us according to the rules that follow from the Law (the secular ones). A regenerate person remaining in such a union is exposed to sexually transmitted disease, AIDS, assault, moral degradation, unending anxiety…
Who would want to write to the regenerate party a letter along these lines:
“Dear Sister (Brother), in spite of everything, your union is unbreakable. Never mind that your partner came to us in sheep’s clothing and turned out to be a ravening wolf. Unfortunately, you cannot put him (her) away. Do not leave your husband (wife) and do not withhold yourself from intimacy with him (her) – one who loves you in Christ (and here, a name)”
I would not write such a letter. I believe my Lord would show no less realism.
What to Watch Out For
When speaking of the Matthean exception, two things need to be emphasized:
- As worded, it applies only to the case where fornication is the cause of the divorce.
- As worded, it does not apply to the following case: a person born of water and of the Spirit divorces for some other reason. (The apostle Paul does not permit this: 1 Cor 7:11)
Christian marriage is unbreakable in God’s eyes; the spouses are bound to each other until death, and should a divorce occur, they remain off-limits to others. Therefore, after a divorce, spouses born of water and of the Spirit may live alone or reconcile (which is better). They are not permitted to enter new marriages. If one of the parties enters such a union, the other cannot then appeal to the Matthean exception. They should live alone. Their union – like that of their partner – would be adultery. More on this exception can be found in this video.
What Is Marriage?
Marriage is a physical and psychological union of man and woman established by God. It belongs to the earthly reality of human life. It was originally planned by God as a lifelong union (for one’s whole life) (Gen 2:24; quoted in Matt 19:5; Mark 10:7-8; Eph 5:31). According to Genesis, marriage requires:
- Separation from one’s parental household (Hebrew: azav – to leave, depart, release, let go)
- A public commitment to marital love and loyalty (Hebrew: dabaq – beyond the meaning of physical closeness, this word refers to faithfulness and emotional bonds: Josh 23:12; Ruth 1:14; 2 Sam 20:2; in noun form it describes two metals fused together (Isa 41:7). It’s worth noting that in Mal 2:14, marriage is treated as a covenant.)
- The realization of sexual life.
In His statements, Jesus was appealing precisely to the original, initial plan and design of God – one that is attainable for us from the perspective of a person born again of water and of the Holy Spirit. God hates divorce, which is exactly why He sent Jesus – to give us new life, and through the Holy Spirit, the power to live victoriously!
What About Marriage in Heaven?
In heaven we will neither marry nor be given in marriage. We will then have renewed bodies, far more perfect than the ones we have now, similar to the body Jesus had after His resurrection.
“For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.” – Mark 12:25
“And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage: Neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels; and are the children of God, being the children of the resurrection.” – Luke 20:34-36
Who May a Believer Marry?
It seems like a simple question, yet even here, in our own day, believers try to find all sorts of loopholes for themselves. The answer really is very simple and obvious, but let’s look at what Scripture says:
“The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” – 1 Cor 7:39
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” – 2 Cor 6:14
It follows clearly from this that, as believers, we should have believing spouses. In truth, the whole Bible speaks to this, and many passages could be cited. The story of Samson warns us to seek a wife among our “own kinsmen” – that is, among the nation chosen by God (believers who keep His ways):
“And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines. And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife. Then his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.” – Judg 14:1-3
The best-known story is that of Samson and Delilah, who sold him out to his enemies. It teaches us that we cannot hand our strength over to women or be led by our own desires. No matter how strong and anointed you are, this can end badly for you!
“And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once, for he hath shewed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and brought money in their hand. And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him. And she said, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awoke out of his sleep, and said, I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself. And he wist not that the LORD was departed from him.” – Judg 16:18-20
Solomon was likewise the wisest person on earth, and yet even he gave in to “foreign” women, who turned his heart away from God. You can be full of wisdom, and it may not necessarily help you in this area. Godly wisdom means listening to God’s counsel and following it.
“But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites; Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. And Solomon did evil in the sight of the LORD, and went not fully after the LORD, as did David his father. Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon. And likewise did he for all his strange wives, which burnt incense and sacrificed unto their gods. And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice, And had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods: but he kept not that which the LORD commanded. Wherefore the LORD said unto Solomon, Forasmuch as this is done of thee, and thou hast not kept my covenant and my statutes, which I have commanded thee, I will surely rend the kingdom from thee, and will give it to thy servant.” – 1 Kings 11:1-11
It must be said clearly that it is not sin for someone to marry an unbeliever; however, in the longer run, this MAY eventually lead to a falling away from God and to sin, as in the examples above. From my own experience of more than 20 years, I know that this kind of marriage often does not end well. I’m thinking of problems in communicating and getting along, among other things. I know of cases where each spouse is responsible for a different child, and in that situation only one of them can even show up at church! It’s absurd. Unfortunately, unchecked desire can get us into a great deal of trouble if it is not submitted to God.
At the same time, we cannot say that all “believing” marriages are ideal and that every union with an unbeliever is doomed to fail. That’s simply not true. The story of Ruth the Moabite in the Bible shows that things can turn out differently. But it’s important to remember here that Ruth renounced her “desires” and her home country (her worldly life) and put 100% of her trust in God, joining herself to Israel (the people who believed in God). This shows that it is best to BEGIN by evangelizing the unbelieving person and showing them God’s ways, and only afterward plan a shared life in unity and harmony with God.
“And she said, Behold, thy sister in law is gone back unto her people, and unto her gods: return thou after thy sister in law. And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me. When she saw that she was stedfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her.” – Ruth 1:15-18
Believers often explain their choice by saying there are too few single women or men in the churches. But it is precisely the lack of evangelism and a lack of life with God that produces this situation. Part of the blame lies with the churches, but part of it lies with us as well.
Is Premarital Sex Permitted?
Scripture, for instance in 1 Cor 7:2, indicates that premarital sex is immoral and should not take place:
“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” – 1 Cor 7:2
What Constitutes a Marriage According to the Bible?
Nowhere in the Bible does it clearly state at exactly what moment God recognizes a couple as married. Yet reading it, we come to the conclusion that it usually happened once a couple legally formalized their union (as in Samson’s marriage, with an official wedding celebration) and, though not strictly necessary, completed the formalities associated with a wedding ceremony. It should be remembered that God does not consider a couple married the moment their relationship is crowned by sexual intercourse alone!
It is most likely that God recognizes a couple as married once they have legally formalized their union. The most common biblical support for this view is found in verses about submitting to the governing authorities (Rom 13:1-7; 1 Pet 2:17).
“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.” – Rom 13:1-2
In a similar way – as in many cultures – a father gives away his daughter’s hand at a wedding; some interpreters understand the moment when God brought Eve to Adam (Gen 2:22) as God’s own conducting of the first “wedding ceremony.” In John chapter 2, Jesus took part in a wedding ceremony (the wedding at Cana in Galilee). He would not have taken part in that event had He not approved of it. Jesus’ presence at a wedding ceremony in no way indicates that God requires such a ceremony, but it does show that such a ceremony is approved of in God’s eyes.
If we do not legalize our union, this also becomes a poor testimony to the world. It loosens “marriage” into something simple, easy, and without commitment. If marriage is something serious, binding us for our whole life, it should be entered into seriously and concretely, and confirmed before many witnesses!
Consider whether, if you wanted to enter into a long-term business partnership with someone, you would base it on nothing more than a verbal understanding? If we sign contracts for our business dealings, then why not do the same for marriage, which is far more important and carries far more responsibility? God has always entered into covenants with us that were very carefully documented and confirmed. To this day, everyone can read about them in the Bible. In the same way, the marriage covenant should be well documented and legalized before many witnesses. An unregistered marriage and living together informally, without commitment, is not God’s recommendation for us. It’s far easier to walk away from someone when there has been no wedding. When we enter into a covenant, we begin to be co-heirs and to become one.
Every covenant in the Bible involved the shedding of blood – as in the case of Abraham, or of Jesus, who shed His blood for us. When a man is joined to a woman, blood is likewise shed, and a covenant is entered into that can no longer be undone. This is exactly why a wedding “contract” helps us treat this union seriously, and helps join two people into one family before God and before people.
Abstinence
Although this seems strange today and “unacceptable” to most people, the Bible encourages us – believers – to remain single and not marry. The Bible does not force this on us, but in many places it encourages remaining single, or remaining in the state we were in at the moment we were born again.
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” – 1 Cor 7:1-2
“For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” – 1 Cor 7:7-9
“But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.” – 1 Cor 7:32-38
The Situation of Fallen Man
The history of fallen humanity proves that man has not been able to live according to God’s model of family life, with one wife and without divorce. Polygamy was first recorded already in Gen 4:19. Divorce and remarriage – a practice widely used in the ancient East at the time – being contrary to God’s original design for marriage, unfortunately often involved the defiling, abandonment, and humiliation of the rejected woman.
The History of Divorce
The main text dealing with divorce is Deut 24:1-4. Based on this text and other supporting ones, we draw the following conclusions: divorce is the end of a marriage. It appears that rebuilding a marital bond between the same partners was possible only for as long as the divorced woman had not remarried. Remarriage, though not forbidden, permanently destroyed the previous marital bond. This is proven by the prohibition against an abandoned wife returning to her previous husband, both when a possible second husband abandons her, and in the case of the second husband’s death. As the reason, the Bible cites impurity, defilement (Deut 24:4), the defiling of such a woman (Jer 3:1).
Deut 24:4, as rendered in a certain modern translation, reads:
“…her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled by him…”
was translated somewhat imprecisely. It should rather read as in a more literal rendering:
“her former husband, who sent her away, is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled.”
It seems that, in light of the phrase “utterly defiled” used in Jer 3:1, the following explanations of this text are possible:
- The husband who sends his wife away defiles her by the very fact of sending her away and by finding something objectionable in her
- Remarriage defiled her, being contrary to God’s original design
The status of a divorced woman was not the same as before her marriage. Divorce marked a kind of stigma on the divorced person. A divorced woman – like a prostitute, a defiled woman, or a widow – could not become the wife of a priest (Lev 21:7).
It’s worth noting that in the texts cited, the language speaks of sending away, defiling, and dishonoring the women who are sent away. The Old Testament says nothing about men in this regard. The initiative for divorce rested exclusively in the hands of the man.
It’s also worth saying something here about the grounds for divorce. The meaning of the expression “something objectionable” (Hebrew: ervat davar) is not entirely certain. Among the Israelites themselves, these words were the subject of heated debate. It may refer to physical defects, such as the inability to bear children, which can be inferred from Assyrian marriage contracts. The expression “something objectionable” does not refer to adultery. That offense was punishable by death, not by divorce (Lev 20:10; Deut 22:22-24).
The Old Testament lists several situations in which divorce was forbidden: Deut 22:28-29; 22:13-19.
Divorce is an evil – a necessary evil given the condition of fallen man. The Old Testament describes one case in which divorce and the sending away of children from mixed marriages was chosen as the lesser evil, in Ezra 9 and 10 (although another solution existed).
A Warning Prophetic Word to the Church
Lately we have been receiving a great many different revelations calling the church back to holiness in the broadest sense, and many of them concern casual relationships and marriages. Please take a look at one such revelation we received, in this article.
For Further Study
Links:
- Jewish Historical Institute – Wedding
- Jewish Historical Institute – Marriage
- Jewish Historical Institute – Divorce
- Fabian Błaszkiewicz – Marriage. The Whole Practice in Light of the Word of God (parts 1-4)
- Dan Mohler – Relationships and Marriage
- How Do You Understand the Concept of Fornication in the Context of Matthew 19:9?
Based in part on materials by Dariusz Piórkowski and Piotr Zaremba
