Self-centeredness is the true root of pride and of many of the things we go through. In Proverbs chapter 13 there is a verse you should go and look up, because otherwise you won’t believe it’s actually in your Bible.

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“Strife comes only through pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice”

Proverbs 13:10

What Pride Really Is

Many people will have trouble with this verse, yet pride and self-centeredness are the only cause of arguments, disputes, and discord. It’s usually this kind of discord that brings so many painful things into our lives. You might say that you, or someone else, is simply “that kind of person,” but Scripture says that quarrels come through pride alone. It isn’t just one of the main causes — it’s the only cause!

We need to define what pride actually is. Pride is not merely thinking you’re better than others — put most simply, it is seeing yourself as the center of everything. Self-centeredness, in turn, is the true root of all pride. In Numbers 12:2, Miriam and Aaron, the brother and sister of Moses, opposed him, criticizing him over his marriage to a Cushite woman. They said:

“Has the LORD indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also? And the LORD heard it.”

Num 12:2

In the very next verse, Scripture testifies of Moses that he was the most humble man on the earth. Instead of getting offended at their words, he began to pray and intercede for them. He wasn’t thinking only about himself and how he’d been talked about — he thought about the whole situation from God’s perspective: what this kind of behavior would bring about, seen from God’s point of view. He knew this displeased God, and that is why he interceded for them.

“Now the man Moses was very meek, more than all people who were on the face of the earth.”

Num 12:3

“And Moses cried to the LORD, ‘O God, please heal her — [Miriam]!'”

Num 12:13

When you read that Moses was the most humble man on earth, stop and think about the fact that humility is the opposite of pride! Pride is not just thinking you’re better than someone else. Pride is self-centeredness. Self-centeredness is like a stick with arrogance on one end and low self-worth on the other. These are two opposite expressions of the very same thing. Both are on the same stick, and that stick is called self-centeredness. It makes no difference whether you think you’re better than others or worse than others — either way, you are completely focused on yourself. Everything gets filtered through that lens. A shy, timid person is just as full of pride and just as self-focused. They think about nothing but themselves.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” – C.S. Lewis

It’s also your self-centeredness that makes you constantly get angry. It isn’t other people who make you angry. It’s self-centeredness that produces your reaction to others. You will never be able to stop people from making mistakes, from behaving badly toward you — that is simply impossible. Faith is not meant to help you control other people, but to help you deal with what’s inside you — to help you settle the things that are within you. So it doesn’t actually matter what others do toward you.

The Attitude of Jesus

When Jesus was being crucified, He was able to turn to His executioners and say: Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34). He did not control those people, but He had control over Himself. It is self-centeredness that puts us into anger. Jesus did not come here for Himself — He loved the world so much that He came here for us. Hanging on the cross, He thought of His mother and told one of His disciples to take care of her. The reason Jesus was able to forgive and to act in love in the midst of such great agony, injustice, and everything that came upon Him, was the absence of selfishness in Him.

It’s your own selfishness that makes you angry, and Scripture says that you should be dead to self. If a corpse were lying in front of me, I could insult it, kick it, spit on it, ignore it, and it wouldn’t react at all. Why do you react the way you do when something happens to you? The cause isn’t the external things — it’s what’s inside you. You will never be strong enough in faith to remove every obstacle and everything that irritates you, but you can deal with yourself. You can reach a place where you make Jesus your Lord and love Him, His Kingdom, and other people more than yourself. And when you do that and deal with yourself, you will see arguments and discord disappear from your life.

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction.” – John Maxwell

One of the great keys to applying all of this is the fact that God did not give you His Kingdom because of selfishness. He did not do all of this simply to make sure every one of your needs gets met. You need to learn that it is in denying yourself and giving your life away that you begin to discover what life is really about. When you love God and other people more than yourself, you’ll learn how to let go of the anger, resentment, and hurt that live inside you.

Jesus’ disciples were also self-focused. Self-centeredness touches every one of us, yet when we serve and help others, that is when we let go of this kind of problem. It is better to serve others than to expect others to obey us. All of us ought to stand in unity, obedient to God and His Word! “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.“

“A dispute also arose among them, as to which of them was to be regarded as the greatest. And he said to them, ‘The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves. For who is the greater, one who reclines at table or one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at table? But I am among you as the one who serves.‘”

Luke 22:24-27

The reason today’s church walks in pride, division, and the building of “its own little kingdoms” is exactly this kind of prideful, self-centered focus on itself. The Church should go outward, to help others and to change our cities and this world. The more a church closes in on itself, the more pride is found within it! The Church has to be focused on equipping believers and on the mission to the lost. Jesus said:

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Matt 28:19-20

The Satanic Bible and Our Lives?

Let me tell you something interesting… Someone once told me about the so-called Satanic Bible, by Anton LaVey. And you know what’s surprising? There’s nothing especially shocking or overt in it… Its main idea is very simple: live for yourself, please yourself, and put yourself at the center!

That is the exact opposite of the Gospel. Jesus says: deny yourself, and the world says: “please yourself.” Jesus says: whoever wants to be first must be a servant, and the world says: “be at the center.”

The problem is that many believers think they’re living the Gospel, when in practice they’re living out exactly that philosophy. This is not some harmless difference. These are two different kingdoms. Two different centers, two different ways of living.

Which Bible’s message are you living by today?

The enemy’s greatest victory is not that people believe in evil, but that they live for themselves and think that this is normal.

 

BIBLICAL BALANCE

Sometimes people think that because you’re a Christian, you should submit to everything that happens to you and bear it all in humility — endure every illness, every act of violence, every evil and injustice. God has given us authority to stand against evil and to refuse to be manipulated. Submitting to manipulation is a sin much like manipulation itself.

Humility ≠ tolerating abuse
Love ≠ consenting to evil
Selflessness ≠ having no boundaries

This teaching does not mean you have to let people hurt you, manipulate you, or take advantage of you. If someone lives in violence, manipulation, control — God does not expect you to passively endure it. Abuse is not fixed by greater submission!

I will not hate you — but I will not let you destroy me

I forgive you — but I do not consent to your bad behavior

I love you — but I am setting boundaries

We should not live for ourselves, but for God and for Jesus. We should be focused on Him, not on our weaknesses, or even on our strengths.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Gal 2:20

The cure for self-centeredness is God at the center — or, put another way, love for God and for others. These are the two greatest commandments Jesus left us. Treat others the way you yourself want to be treated.

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

Matt 7:12

“…in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3–4

Conclusion

The problem in your life is not other people and circumstances — it’s who is sitting on the throne of your heart. If you are at the center, you will always end up getting hurt. If God is at the center, you begin to truly live. Today you can make the decision to stop living for yourself, to stop being at the center, and to hand the throne over to God.

You will never be able to change all the people around you, but you can die to yourself — and then everything changes.

Today I am praying that God will open your heart to understand that your self-centeredness is the reason for your own sorrow. Instead of blaming someone else, take responsibility, face it honestly, humble yourself before God, and ask Him to make Himself great in your life. That is how you can walk in victory. May He open your eyes and widen your view from your own narrow, selfish backyard to the people who are all around you.

TEST: Are You Living for Yourself?

Check whether you struggle with self-centeredness by answering the questions below.

🧠 RELATIONSHIPS AND CONVERSATIONS

• Do you feel uneasy when a conversation isn’t about you?
• Do you interrupt others in order to talk about yourself?
• Do you feel a need to be noticed in every group?
• If no one is paying attention to you, do you withdraw or shut down?

😡 EMOTIONS

• Do you get offended easily?
• Do you dwell for a long time on what someone said about you?
• Do you react strongly when someone doesn’t appreciate you?

⚖️ CONFLICTS

• Do you always have to be right?
• Do you find it hard to apologize?
• In an argument, are you more focused on winning than on understanding?

❤️ RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE

• Do you help others only when you feel like it?
• Do you feel disappointed when you don’t get thanked?
• Do you expect others to meet your needs?

🙏 RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

• Do you pray mostly about your own matters?
• Do you make decisions more on the basis of “what I want” than “what God wants”?
• Do you find it hard to give something up for God?
• Does it hurt you more that someone wounded you… than that they grieved God?
• Do you think more often about what others do to you… than about what you do to others?

If you answered “yes” to many of these questions, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person — it means you are at the center. Self-centeredness doesn’t shout, “I’m the most important.” It quietly says, “everything revolves around me.” And that’s why Jesus didn’t say, “improve yourself.” He said, “deny yourself.”